Convicted

All this last week I had been both looking forward to and dreading the weekend.  I thoroughly enjoy my weekends home with my family, but this one would be different.  I was stressed.  Sleep-deprived, and stressed.  I was stressed for my mom because she was watching my sister's kids for 5 days.  I was worried for Marcus and our church high school group because they would be traveling to the snow for the winter retreat and bad weather was expected.  I was stressed for myself because, selfishly, I wasn't going to get to relax as much as I wanted this weekend since I'd be at home with the kids by myself.  I kept trying to tell myself to get over it, but it wasn't working. 

Friday night, after I got the kids to sleep, I sat down to read my women's devotional bible.  I usually do one at a time, but this time I decided to do two.  It was the second one that especially hit home.  It came from Genesis 50: 15-21, about Joseph reassuring his brothers that he would take care of them, even after how they had treated him.  The devotional said this....

"Sometimes our worry is the thread by which we hang onto the belief that we can do something to change our situation and end our fear.  As ridiculous as it is, we believe that our anxiety gives us some measure of control.  Or we believe it keeps God mindful of our problem. We are afraid that without the pressure of our fear, He might forget what we want from Him.  But our anxiety and demanding prayers accomplish nothing.  We fear giving up our fear because if we don't worry, who will remember to care?  If we don't worry, would God decide we really aren't concerned about the issue?  If we don't worry, are we giving up hope of God involving Himself in our world?

Cutting across all our stubborn reasons for remaining in our fear, Paul wrote, "May the God of hope full you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 15:13).  God's joy and peace are available to us as we trust Him; they are not the result of absolute guarantees about the outcomes of our worries.  We have a choice: will we trust Him and receive His joy and peace, or will we insist on seeking our joy and peace from resolved fears and chaged circumstances?

The choice really is ours.  We can hang onto our fears, insisting that until they are resolved, there is no way for us to enter into rest, or we can see those same fears as the door by which we can enter a rest far richer and sweeter than the rest that might arise from a tenuous arrangement of perfect circumstances.  It is a rest that believes that a life without all the pieces in place, a life in which we do indeed suffer lack, is still a life to celebrate, a good gift from a good God."

I know that the bible says not to worry.  And I knew I should focus on all of my blessings, rather than the things that weren't going my way, but I just couldn't change my attitude.  The last paragraph really got to me.  That's exactly what I was doing- insisting that I wouldn't be content until my fears were resolved. 
 After reading this, it completely changed my perspective.  Don't you just love when God gives you exactly what you need to hear?!

P.S. Someone help- how come I can't load any photos??  If it lets me attempt to upload a photo, I get an error that it was rejected.  Otherwise it sends me directly to Google Cloud Picker (which I don't have any photos in, and don't plan to).